Technical difficulties

Recently I was told by my Headteacher that I will not be allowed to leave at Christmas. The reason is that I did not hand my notice in before the deadline. Technically the governing body is well within its rights to prevent me from leaving. But is still begs the question “Why?”

The fact is that I have been off sick for a while. I sort of broke. I suffered a panic attack and even now if I drive towards the school my heart rate climbs. The school knows some of this. I have had conversations with senior management about my depression and the stress that I felt in school. I can’t go back to the school.

I wanted to begin again in January. To do some supply teaching to keep the money coming in and look for a different job. This at first seems at odds with what I said about not going back et cetera but it is not the case. Supply teaching is hard. You have to turn up and deal with children and staff and systems you don’t know. However it’s something that I could do to keep the money coming in and it does not involve interacting with the leadership team at my current school. There is also an element of choice involved in where and when I work. A halfway house if you will between being off sick and working full time. 

I am getting some routine back into my life. I can’t do nothing. There are various DIY projects around the house to do. Getting myself into a semblance of physical fitness. Photography. I’m getting better. Some days I feel better than I have done in many years. Others are more frustrating. I can’t remember basic things easily at the moment (but who cares what I had for breakfast yesterday?) which is disconcerting to someone who has a reputation for an infallible memory. I’m also re-learning good habits and I’m not using alcohol as a numbing agent any more. Strangely, being off sick has made me a healthier person than I have been for a long time. Perhaps the situation with my resignation is for the best? It doesn’t feel like it but perhaps more time off is what the doctor ordered.